"I'm Just Not Worth It, Am I?"

     Insecurity.  We all know it.  We've all felt it.  We've all dealt with it.  In one form or another, in one aspect of life or another, insecurity has reared its ugly head to all of us.  Some are insecure in their appearance or in their career.  Some are insecure in their marriage or friendships.  Some folks may even be insecure in their material possessions/financial standing, or the lack thereof.  As for me, I have personally dealt with insecurity in each one of these areas.  Yes, suffice it to say, insecurity is absolutely a part of the human condition, and one that we all will face at some point.
     Have you ever heard someone say something like this, "I just don't know who I am anymore."  Such a person has not forgotten their name, where they were born, or who raised them.  They have simply become so insecure in themselves that they have lost sight of their place in the world, their own self-worth, or (most importantly) who they are in Christ.  There is an ancient Latin phrase that has been the basis for many philosophies over the years: nosce te ipsum, or, "know thyself."  Yet for all of our searching, contemplating, meditating, and even praying, who among us feels sufficient to boldly proclaim "I know exactly who I am."
     It is my belief that most insecurities are the result of fear.  Fear of what?  Rejection for one.  While reading through a devotional series about New Year's resolutions, the author briefly touched on rejection and the fear thereof.  No one experienced rejection quite like King David.  Think about it, he was rejected by his brothers, lovers, King Saul, even his own son.  With all of this rejection, it is irrational to believe that David never faced the inner-demons of insecurity.  Yet all he accomplished was to slay a giant, defeat the enemies of God, and become the King of Israel.   Oh yes, and do not forget that it would be his lineage that would see born the savior of the world, Jesus Christ.  So the question becomes this: did David ever have a crisis of faith?  Did he ever question his own self-worth?  Did he question his worthiness before God?  The answer is a resounding yes, yes, yes, and yes.
     Dear beloved reader, have your ever felt insecure in your faith?  In your salvation?  Have you ever done something and then proclaimed to your heart, "well old fella, you've done it this time.  God will never take you now."  I believe if we are honest with ourselves, we will admit that we have all experienced such a crisis of faith. I have.  Heck, I often still have those momentary thoughts when I am faced with the reality of my unworthiness before God.  "How could God love me, in spite of what I've done?  Of who I am?"  This is spiritual insecurity, and it is very real.
     There have been times in my life, even in my pastoral life, where I have attempted to pick up my Bible only to put it down, because I felt like a fraud before God.  "How can I logically read my God's Word, knowing the things I've done", I have thought to myself.  The result? A loss of opportunity to spend time with Jesus in the very place He has revealed Himself to us the most.  Friend, there is one mystery I can solve for you, one question I can most certainly answer: you, like myself, are unworthy.  We are not worthy of God's love, or His endless grace.  As sinners, and sinners we are, we are not worthy of God's mercy.  Yet, in spite of our unworthiness, the Lord God grants to us these things and more through Jesus.  The Apostle Paul reminds us in Romans 3:23, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."  However, in the following two verses Paul informs us that we are "justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God sent forth as a propitiation by His blood, through faith, to demonstrate His righteousness, because in His forbearance God had passed over the sins that were previously committed" (Romans 3:24-25).
     Have ever thought about your forgiveness and salvation and thought, "can it really be this easy?"  Oh how sweet the knowledge that it is in fact this easy.  The moment we confess our sin, the moment we place our faith in Chrsit and He alone, we pass from damnation and into eternal hope.  So why then would a Christian ever have a crisis of faith?  Why would one ever question a salvation that was given freely to us, not one that we had to earn?  Because there is still a part of our human intellect, hidden in some desolate corner of the mind, that says "you are still not worthy."
     Let us turn briefly back to King David for a moment.  One simply needs to start reading through the Psalms to find that he frequently had moments of doubt and crisis of faith.  In fact, one might come to the conclusion that ole David could be a bit of a whiner at times.  Yet, it is also quite easy to see that, even when weak, his faith in God was always found, rekindled, and fulfilled.  Listen to his words in Psalms 27:10; "When my father and my mother forsake me, Then the Lord will take care of me."  Or this one; "I will love You, O Lord, my strength.  The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold."  
     Did David ever have moments of spiritual insecurity?  Absolutely.  Though he never forgot from whence came his true strength, his real purpose.  David did not allow fear, rejection, insecurity, or even persecution to turn him away from God.  In fact, David desired MORE of God, not less.  "One thing that I have desired of the Lord, that I will seek: That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in His temple" (Psalms 27:4).
     So, friend, what power will you give insecurity in your own life?  Will your insecurities come between you and your church?  Between you and your time with God in His Word?  In prayer?  Will insecurity cause you to doubt your salvation or the extent of God's mercy towards you?  Remember this above all; Jesus promised us that He would never abandon us.  Leave or forsake us.  If you belong to Christ, you are NOT one mistake away from being "kicked out of the club."  Have faith.  Revel in the hope of the truth and promises of Jesus your Lord and Savior!  Remember the words of Paul, once again; "For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
     So indeed I may at times be insecure.  I may briefly loose sight of who I am from time to time.  I may feel shaky in my relationships or in my finances.  But all of that is OK, because I know Jesus. I know who He is and what He has done for me.  And for me, that is enough.

Alive in Christ,
Bro John