What We say? Or what We do?

           It only takes a little faith.  At least that it what they say.  Have you ever been going through something profound in your life and hear the plethora of platitudes, philosophical comments, and Scriptural tidbits?  Folks say these things with the best of intentions, but for you, likely the worst of times.  Take this one for instance; “They are in a better place now.”  If spoken of a Christian brother or sister, this statement is true.  Telling this to a grieving family while standing at the foot of the recently deceased loved one’s hospital bed, however, is surely a statement offered in bad timing. 
            Maybe you are struggling with some unforeseen life event (loss of a job, illness, a broken relationship), and someone says to you, “it will get better; just have a little faith.”  Such a statement is true of course, but offered at the climax of a personal issue, the statement sounds…well, cliché. 
            Suppose you are talking to your best friend about some things that are weighing heavy upon your heart, and at that moment they say, “eh, you just need to pray about it”.  Afterwards they move the conversation on to talking about mundane things, themselves, or the score from Friday night’s football game.  In your mind you are thinking, “thanks bro, color me comforted!”  🙄
            So, what am I saying?  Am I saying that we should not offer advice?  Am I saying that we should not try to say things to make our loved ones feel comforted during times of trial?  Am I even suggesting that we not quote holy Scripture to a grieving person?  No, this is not what I am saying at all.  What I am saying, however, is that often the best thing we can do for someone else is simply to be there.  To pray for them.  To be a leaning post when they need someone on which to lean.  To be the shoulder on which they cry.  Yes, beloved, often what we do is much more important than what we say.
            How do we begin to truly support a person in need?  It starts with being intentional.  At the loss of both my parents, I cannot tell you how many people said to me, “holler if you need anything.”  I cannot recall ever calling one of these folks and saying, “hey do you remember that time you said to holler if I needed anything, well…”.  This type of generalized statement is usually meant with the best of intention but is generally uttered to make ourselves feel like we have helped, more than to genuinely comfort someone else.  Be intentional with your support.  “Is there anything I can do for you?”  “How can I be praying for you?”  These statements suggest the caring attitude of an individual that can be depended upon if/when needed.
            As a pastor, people seem to expect that I always know what to say and when to say it.  Honestly?  Most of the time I haven’t a clue!  I am that weird guy that is prone to laughing at a funeral because a funny memory involving the deceased crossed my mind.  Yes, this has actually happened to me more than once!  At my father’s funeral we played a song that he had requested.  Problem was, it was an Irish rock song that was completely out of character for my dear olé dad.  The looks on the faces of the attendees conjured an image of my dad saying “bet ya’ll didn’t expect that, now did you?”  I spent the next several minutes laughing out loud.  One person actually asked me afterwards, “Are you sure you are ok?”  So, even as a pastor I find myself struggling to provide the right words at the right time.  During times like these, I often focus more on what not to say.  “I know you were just diagnosed with a terminal disease, how are you?”  What kind of response would I expect?  “Well pastor, it is a wonderful feeling I hope you get to experience someday, thanks for asking.”  Yes, probably not.  Instead, be intentional with your statements.  “I want you to know that we are here for you and your family.  We are praying for you daily.”  Be specific.  “How did your test go on Wednesday?”  “How is your family handling your illness?” 
            One of the worst things you can do to a hurting individual is to avoid them.  Can life’s situations produce awkward moments with others?  Of course.  But hurting and grieving people heal faster when they know that they are connected to others that care.  Remember that one of the biggest benefits of church membership is fellowship.  Christian fellowship demands that we love one another and carry one another’s burdens. Have you ever heard someone say something like, “Well, I meant to go visit John, but I didn’t go because I just don’t know what to say.”  If you want to help another carry their burdens, you must first be there for them.  Make the visit.  Make the phone call (please do not just send a text to someone, 🤮).  Take some food.  Send a card.  Just let the grieving and hurting know that you love and support them.  Galatians 6:2 sums this up wonderfully; “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”
            As cliché as it may sound, the best thing that you can do for ANYONE is to pray for them.  Don’t just tell someone you will pray for them, DO IT!  Why do I make this declaration?  Because we often tell others that we will/are praying for them, but then we do not follow through.  That makes us a liar.  So, do pray.  Remember always, friends, we have a God that loves us.  Our God cares, and He listens.  The apostle Paul was overjoyed by the knowledge that others were praying for him.  It gave him great comfort.  “Yes, and I will rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ this will turn out for my deliverance” (Philippians 1:18-19).  The power of prayer must never be underestimated!  Timothy begged, “First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people” (1 Timothy 2:1).
            Lastly, it is important to let the grieving and hurting person know that they need not grieve alone.  This is where a bit of Scriptural wisdom can be inserted without being perceived as contrite.  “Sister, I know that you are hurting.  I know this situation is painful.  But please know that you are not alone.  I am here for you.  Your church loves you.  There is always hope to be found in Christ.  Remember what Paul told us in Romans 12:12, ‘Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.’”  The assurance of those connections can have a massive effect on the grieved and hurting.  This says to such a person, “I am loved, thought of, connected to, and cared for.” 
            Do you know someone that may be hurting?  Do you have a friend, family member, or co-worker that is enduring a season of grief?  Just think, you could be the instrument that God uses to bring comfort to these folks.  Let the love and compassion of our Lord Jesus Christ be found also, in you.  I close with this verse of encouragement; “For you were called to freedom, brothers.  Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.  For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’” (Galatians 5:13-14)
 
With Love in Christ,
Bro. John